Written by Jaimine Blesav Bezboznik.

You know, your government is a chameleon, pleased to wear any cultural or ideological cloak to blend in with its social and cultural surroundings. And, there are fifty shades of government, each suitable for a particular time and place, each adapted to purposes of the moment, all with the interest of firming up control by the ruling class. Ultimately, in my story, Mr. Government is quite sadistic about YOUR Miss Anus.

In this system, Miss Anus asked me “Without Mr. Government, who will screw me?”. I replied, “I can do more better than, him only if you think I am not impotent”. Miss Anus was shocked hearing my reply and censored my penis using Mr. Government’s dildo. “That is an ‘unethical’ sadism, Miss Anus”, I retaliated promptly. Really disgruntling to see that Miss Anus is vociferously so obsessed with the impotency of Mr. Government and its dildo, that convincing her about my potency becomes an act of conjecture. Read: But Who Will Build the Roads?

Every sexual parts wants something from Mr. Government, and Mr. Government is impudently happy to oblige. It’s even more obvious in the election season, and it’s only going to get worse as we approach. Read: Anatomy of Voting

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Mr. Government is yet to read Kama Sutra, and it is no crime when it “daily” endeavors to penetrate into asshole of Miss Anus. The crux is that to claim “I am neither putrescent nor impotent” whilst masochistically living in the state of ignorance is a sadistic crime.

On one side, Mr. Government snoops our bed and its lives and on the other hands, legally plunders sexual rights of ours to imperfectly conduct anal sex with Miss Anus. Given volition to us, I can vouch that many men can “responsibly” give better performance on bed. In any part of this insipid story, I have not signed any contract with Government’s dildo. I have mine, and it’s better and large and huge enough to hedonistically outdo fifty shades because I know that my girl have better demands than the given “aggregated” demands.

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Power and abuse can take many forms: parents, teachers, bosses, ministers, anyone in authority. But the single largest, costliest, most aggressive, and persistently abusive relationship in our lives is with government. Our Christian Grey is the ruling elite in the deep structures of the state. Read: Give me Freedom and Shut the Fuck Up.

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Mr. Government has lots to give in the way of laws, loot, privileges, protections and punishments. Every pressure group and political party has an idea about how its power over us needs to be used. Does it make any difference who gets the loot, really? Not really, not to you and me. Whether you are taxed to make bike paths in Mumbai or to fund reconnaissance missions in Istanbul, you are still denied use of your money so that politicians and bureaucrats can realize their dreams. Whether the regulations say that you can’t work for less than $1 per day or that you can’t buy raw milk at any price, your freedom to make contracts is still being compromised. Should government prevent gay people from contracting unions or stop private companies from discriminating against people who chose gay unions? Either way, the state is being brought in to tell people what they can and can’t do. In this sense, the left and the right have more in common than either side cares to admit: Both have a plan for how the state can better manage the social order.

Should tobacco be banned or bailed out? Should banks be made too big to fail or badgered with regulatory restrictions so they can’t do real business? Should corporations be protected and subsidized, or should they be taxed within an inch of their lives? Should fatty foods be mandated as part of a national diet or kept off the menu as a health hazard? These are the great debates of our time. But these are actually not fundamental debates at all. Either way, the only real winner here is government, its agents, its public spokesmen, its powers and its place in our lives and the culture. This is what remains unquestioned. Read: Anatomy of State

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In the movie “Fifty Shades of Grey”, Mr. Grey takes Anastasia for rides in cool cars, helicopters, and gliders. Government does the same, giving us a chance to experience things that we could not otherwise access: huge rallies, parades that show off military might, grand monuments, national parks, trips to space, the power to print money, and so on. And what does government promise us will come at the end? We will have security, safety, prosperity, an end to the exigencies of life’s uncertainties, and so on. In fact, we can pretty much have everything we want, all our heart’s desires, but only once we consent to allowing government to be the dominant and we agree to be the submissive. To end this so-called elixir is to stop paying obedience to Mr. Government.

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Jaimine is an autodidactic professor based in Mumbai and “voluntarily” proselyting Keynesian students into Rothbardian thinking. Follow him at: https://twitter.com/meritocratic