In June 2013, The Art of Not Being Governed held a BEYOND CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE essay contest that asked writers to use as many words as possible from the Homeland Security Keyword Watch List.  This essay was submitted by guest-author “Anarcho-Buddy”.

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I went to the bar and didn’t know what to think

But I’ve seen on TV

If you’re pretty like me

Ladies might buy you a drink

 

So I approach a fair lady who says she’s with DHS

Looking for hackers

And cyberattckers

I said, “That sounds like a mess!”

 

“Oh yes,” said she, “I’m all about cyber security,

You can get a virus from hoes

Trojan won’t protect you from those

And phreaking worms threaten our cyber purity!”

 

“Oh dear,” I replied, fearing she had too much liquor

I saw the bartender was too nervous

To give her denial of service

As she talked of China’s confickers

 

“Spammers and scammers, keyloggers and bloggers, all brute forcing my social media.

I need a MySQL injection

And rootkit protection,

Lest cyber command destroy Botnet and Wikipedia!”

 

I could see she was off her rocker but couldn’t bring myself to mock her

She was now phishing for compliments

And wanted to search my documents

Cain and Abel could not spare her from cyber terror

 

She complained about DDOS and I started not to care

She said, “You’ll be sorry!

2600 is not about Atari!

You’ll soon be infected by malware!”

 

And isn’t this just what I should have expected from the DHS?

They will huff and puff

Threaten us with all kinds of stuff

I sure wish Janet would just give it a rest

 

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